Keeping it clean

>> A good housekeeper is hard to find

By CHRIS BARRY

Name: Chris MacKinnon

Occupation: Housekeeping supervising manager (Montreal General Hospital)

Age: 35

Salary: $35,000 par annum

Job description: Keeping patients' rooms clean. Nurturing other housekeepers and helping them to grow into first-class disinfecting machines.

Quote: "A good housekeeper who takes their job seriously is hard to find and when you get one, it's like a little gift from Christ that should be cherished."

Bio: This fey yet alternately strapping Rosemount resident has a way with a mop that others can only dream about. He first honed his cleaning skills as a McDonald's employee and did such impressive work that he was promoted to manager and given the chance to develop the supervisory talents that he employs today. An ambitious and dedicated worker, he has been cleaning and guiding other housekeepers in their duties since the early '90s, at both the Royal Victoria Hospital and most recently at his new home, the Montreal General.

Best part of job: Going down to the morgue. "I love it. It's so creepy and quiet down there and I get a sense of history thinking of all of the corpses that have passed through the place. Once I got to look inside the freezer and it was incredibly cool--all of these bodies in white bags, tied up like candies on each end and just lying on the floor like little dead campers in their sleeping bags. They also have all these human brains down there, some in jars and others that they keep floating around in what looks like pickle barrels. Tons of brains floating around in a barrel, like you could go bobbing for them or something. It's really neat."

Worst part of the job: "Being looked down upon by the rest of the hospital staff because we are just 'lowly housekeepers.' Doctors are the worst."



Some important hospital codes that all housekeepers need to know.

Code Red: Fire.

Code White: Violent patient. Sometimes when psychiatric patients start getting antsy and flip out, housekeepers are asked to put their feather dusters down for a few minutes and rush to the scene to help restrain them. They get paid extra for this.

Code Brown: A call to clean up vomit, blood, urine or feces. Any housekeeper worth his/her salt will clean excrement off of the walls of the psychiatric ward without even batting an eye. All housekeepers must be comfortable with human waste. "A lot of patients miss the toilet and others have accidents on the way to the bathroom. So you often need to follow a trail of poop back from the toilet to that patient's room. It's not so bad, really."

How much excrement he cleans up on an average day: Approximately two cups of vomit, three pounds of feces, and one litre of urine.

Favourite sex act: Outdoor cruising

Favourite drink: Guruka (Guru and Vodka)

Favourite watering hole: Stud Bar

Favourite TV show: Bewitched

Last book read: Photographing Fairies, by Steve Szilagyi

Favourite Film: The Exorcist

Philosophy: What goes around comes around