Hit and run >> Speed, violence, skill and boozing key to Gaelic football

by CHRIS BARRY Name: Michéal Martin Age: 29 Occupation: President of the Montreal Gaelic Athletic Club Bio: This fiery Irishman arrived here from Cork five years ago while following his career path as a salesman. Currently settled in the cold heart of downtown NDG, Michéal was absolutely thrilled to discover that his beloved national game, Gaelic football, was not only played here, but that Montreal's Gaelic football team were some of the baddest Gaelic footballers this side of the Keebler Elf. The winners of last year's prestigious Marlow Championship, Michéal explains that "the game over here is a mélange of volleyball, rugby and Aussie Rules soccer. Basically in soccer you kick the ball with your feet or you head it, where in Gaelic football you check as well. It's a very rough sport. Gaelic translated means ‘warrior' after all." Always on the lookout for new talent, he urges potential players to go to www.montrealgaa.com for the full 411. Is it safe to assume any sport dominated by Irishmen involves getting good and drunk prior to battle? "Well, we try not to drink before the games. But it's a very, very social game. Actually, there are more people coming out for the social aspects than there are players. Gaelic football is like that everywhere. We train twice a week and always go out afterwards." As in many rugby-esque sports, do Gaelic footballers also participate in vaguely homo-erotic yet curiously arousing hazing rituals such as stripping and demanding new players transport soft-boiled eggs across the clubhouse floor from between their butt cheeks while everybody laughs and takes turns urinating on them? "Well, we don't do anything like that exactly, but we do have fundraisers where crazy stuff is involved. Any idea that can make money, we'll do it. Whether that be a wet T-shirt competition or whatever, we'll do it. It's really a fantastic social group we've got." Where the team goes boozin': At the team's official sponsor, O'Regan's Pub on Bishop. "We usually have upwards of 30 people coming out with us after a game or practice." Must one be Irish to join the team? No. "We're a very ethnically diverse group of people, but the Irish are the best players. I'd say about 25 per cent of us are Irish, another 25 per cent of Irish descent, and the rest are made up of Greeks, Chinese, Italians, Arabs, people from all over the place." Something all Montrealers can be proud of: Our ladies' Gaelic football team, who have only been together for two years but are already one of the best teams in North America. Are there any chicks on the women's team who weigh under 200 pounds and are remotely interested in man meat? "Oh yeah, for sure. They're in incredible shape. We may not be the best team in the league but we are the best looking. I'm serious about that." Musical preferences: U2, Coldplay, the Pixies. Words of wisdom: "If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame for it." Comments? dimwit@openface.ca